5 Steps To Expressing Your Needs in Professional & Personal Relationships
Part of trauma recovery is learning how to take back your voice, or to give yourself a voice if you feel that you have never had one. Here are some steps that you may find helpful when it comes to expressing your needs in professional and personal relationships as you work towards greater regulation in your nervous system.
Step One: Direct Explanation
Direct explanation means that you explain the situation to the person you are talking to very clearly and objectively so that the person knows exactly what the issue is.
Step Two: “I” Statements
“I” statements let the person you’re talking to know how you feel about the situation. A great place to start is with “I feel” and “I think” statements. Be transparent and honest with the person you are speaking to so that they can better understand where you’re coming from and how you feel.
Step Three: Get Specific
To get specific, state exactly what your needs are and what you would like to get out of your present situation as in depth as possible. Don’t leave any room for guesswork or assumptions–spell it out for the person you are expressing your needs to.
Step Four: Clarify
When expressing your needs to someone, be sure to clarify up front how this will benefit the other person. If the person you are speaking with understands that helping you meet your needs will not only benefit you, but will also benefit them, they will feel more inclined to help.
Step Five: Compromise
Be sure to identify ahead of time any compromises that you may be willing to make in order to get your needs met. If you come prepared with an internal list of compromises that you are willing to make, then you have boundaries set. These boundaries will help you reach your goal and they will also help you know when it's alright to say “yes” or “no.”
Want to Learn More?
Expressing your needs is NOT always easy. However, it is necessary in order to prevent holding onto the additional stress and resentment that come from constantly muzzling yourself. Expression doesn’t guarantee that your needs will be met, but with practicing, you are reclaiming your power and sense of agency. You are also learning your limits and where you need more support.
If you would like to learn more about healing after trauma or regulating your nervous system, be sure to check out my blog. And if you would like to keep in touch, follow me on Instagram and Pinterest.
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