Why It Can Sometimes Be Hard to Play & Feel Joy
The state of play or being playful is a combination of feeling safe while also feeling excitement. In order to feel comfortable playing or being playful, your physiology must feel safe with the sensations that arise with excitement. For trauma survivors, your perception of excitement may be skewed and can sometimes be perceived by your subconscious as danger or a threat.
If at home or while growing up you experienced instability, a chaotic home life, or trauma in general, it is likely just as hard for you to differentiate between the feeling of excitement and the feeling of a threat to your safety now as it was then. This is because you haven’t had a sense of security, and have been living in a heightened state. However, even though you may still subconsciously be living in this heightened state, all is not lost! You can still learn how to play and regulate your nervous system as an adult. It just takes commitment and patience.
How can I Learn to Play?
If you’re in a heightened state, you can learn to play by slowly building your capacity for tolerating joy and its sensations with less stimulating forms of playing.
For me, that means going over to my neighbors property to talk to his llamas. I feel very safe with these animals and they bring me a tremendous amount of joy! Talking to my neighbor’s llamas is a great regulation resource for me, and when I go too long without seeing them, I truly notice a difference in my psyche.
Take some time to brainstorm. Create a list of things that don’t feel overwhelming–things that you think will make you happy or provide you some safe excitement. Is there anything in particular that when you think about, it brings a smile to your face? If so, start there. Notice the feeling that this thing (or these things) brings to your body. Does your body feel excited? If so, see how long you can sit with that feeling. Even just 10 seconds a day of consciously connecting with those emotions is enough to start building a capacity for play and joy again.
It does take time, but slowly learning how to differentiate between the experience of excitement with safety vs. excitement with a threat can allow you to enjoy yourself in ways you once felt deprived of. If you feel like this resonates with you and you would like more high-touch help, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. My program, The Nervous System Reset, will help you create new thought patterns and develop emotional awareness. You can sign up for the waitlist here. And if you’re not quite ready to commit, you can check out my resource library for tons of free options. Lastly, if you would like to keep in touch and continue learning, be sure to follow me on Instagram and Pinterest.
Until next time–
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